I’m a nurse and I don’t especially like Mitch McConnell. That only makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, based on this graph I came across on Vox news, I could get votes from polar opposites of the current political system and be sitting in the West Wing by January 2021.

A few years ago, I told Dusty I wanted to run for President. I was kind of joking, kind of not. On the joking side, anyone could be better than the options we had in the most recent election. On the serious side, anyone could be better than the options we had in the most recent election.

For real, this is all just laughable seriousness! In the last Presidential election, I didn’t want to vote for anyone and strongly considered writing in my own name. Anyhow, Dusty told me I would be husband-less for four years if I won. That tongue-in-cheek-yet-still-earnest comment warranted a gentle reminder that it would be for, ahem, eight years (duh), but I wasn’t trying to prove anything. Either way, I’m not convinced it’s worth being without someone I really like a lot, who’s going to live in an RV with me, and who rocks white sunglasses in exchange for the inevitable premature gray hair and relentless, unending social events for the rest of my life.

However, whether or not I find myself sitting at the big desk with the big button, one bucket list item for me is to someday at least receive more votes for U.S. President than Roseanne Barr.

Here’s a little bit about me so you know who you’re voting for in the upcoming Presidential bid:

• I’m kind of a loner and an empath. Alone does not equal lonely, and I value my alone time. Hence, the agony that would accompany the aforementioned relentless, unending social events for the rest of my life.
• I can be stubborn sometimes. It’s possible that I’ve achieved a lot of things in my life due to this stubbornness; it’s also possible that I’ve missed out on some things. Please don’t ask my parents or my husband about this trait.
• I’ve worked in emergency departments for 20 years. I’m accustomed to bullshit. And just shit in general. Ask me about the opioid epidemic.
• I believe in human decency. Not treating someone else decently simply because she’s a woman. Or because he’s a man of color. Or because she’s a veteran. Or because he’s an adult. Being decent and treating others decently is hard sometimes because I don’t always want to be a decent human to those who commit heinous acts; at the same time, certain actions or privileges do not entitle someone to more decency than another, especially when those actions or privileges are ill-intentioned or lopsided in purpose or rationale. How do we even all that out? Ah, I know! The death penalty or prison for everyone whom I don’t want to treat decently! Gah, this politics stuff is easy!
• I don’t think I like northeast U.S. weather. I’ve never really been there very long, but I like to be warm. Not sure how that’s gonna work out…. There will need to be money in the budget to fill the Oval Office with space heaters.
• I have a love-hate relationship with hypocrisy. I love how fascinating it is to observe; I hate how blind it is. …Especially when I’m the hypocrite. But then I love when I recognize my own hypocrisy and correct it.
• I play the lottery. But only sometimes because 1) you have to play to win and 2) I don’t budget very much money to play it more than just sometimes. I’m cheap — see below. I’ve never won more than $11. Roulette, though…that’s a different story. (Can’t say that I care for Russian Roulette.)
• I believe in creating motion by knowledge seeking, not inertia by social construct.
• I tried smoking marijuana once in my mid-20s. I was high…ly unimpressed, and that’s as sordid as my drug history goes. Opposition research will be pretty boring. Oh, except… …never mind.
• Public speaking kind of sucks, but I can do it if I have to and will probably pull something out of my ass that sounds suitable. Although it’s reassuring to know I will have a speech writer and teleprompter.
• Other right upper quadrant criteria (from the above graph)
  • I’m a working person. I don’t totally know what this one means, but I do work. Really hard. Not as a ‘working girl,’ but a working person. I guess there’s a difference?
  • I’m Caucasian.
  • I hail from, or am related to, farmers, nurses, other women and men, military veterans, working people, and police officers. Don’t token people count toward my credibility? Isn’t that how it works?
• I don’t like wearing make-up. Or pant suits. Or dresses. See Dreadlocks & Birkenstocks for more details.
• Dogs, yes. Cats, no. Currently, Dusty and I have the best dog EVER. Never say never, but I’m fairly confident we’ll never own a cat. Zeppelin will have a blast playing fetch on the south lawn of the White House. Even better, all the paid Secret Service people with guns will have nothing better to do than pick up the dog poop.
• Moderation over radicalism. I mean really, aren’t deep fried brussel sprouts in moderation better than no vegetables at all?
• I come from a life of privilege in many forms, including parents who love me unconditionally, have supported me through every hardship I’ve ever experienced, and who love each other despite their differing political views. Weird, so a bipartisan marriage IS possible???
• I ride a motorcycle. Yes, despite the fact that I was an emergency nurse.
• I’m frugal. The White House will likely look humble (possibly barren) and the U.S. deficit would probably turn into surplus within a year or two — all by accident.
• Science is cool.

Wouldn’t it benefit everyone to get the celebrity, the greed, the corruption out of politics? Of course it would, but politics is the heart of all of the above, and I’m well aware that I’m not going to change it. Not because I can’t, but because I’d like to keep my husband around. And it’s a hell of a lot more fun (and less stressful) just living life and complaining about politics from afar. However, if I get enough of a cult following, I’ll make it super easy and cost effective by simply requesting voters to write me in on their ballots instead of running a whole campaign. That’s just too much to manage and a waste of money. See ya in 2020!

(I wonder if the future FRiderOTUS will read this blog. Love you, FROTUS!)